I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
