Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Im part way to drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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