I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
