saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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