wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
