I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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