she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
whose parrot is this?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
