woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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