the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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