Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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