you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
