he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
