I wish life had little blips of pornography
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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