Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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