in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I bet he comes in French.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
