the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
