I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
