please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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