So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think my moral compass just broke
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
