if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
