Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
