Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my shit smells like andre
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
