Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
