I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
