Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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