she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
