I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
There are leaves in my underwear?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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