I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
