I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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