billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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