There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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