Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
