I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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