Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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