Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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