we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
