I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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