eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
