Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
