how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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