this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
