omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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