We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
