4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
