oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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