Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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