Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
