She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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