Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
