My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
