I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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