How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In other news, I just burned my penis
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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