If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
