Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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