He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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