I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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