The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
not ubering you a puppy
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
