Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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