last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
