Don't make out with my wife yet
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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