Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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