She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
