dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
