yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
why is half of my head shaved?
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