I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
