So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
