evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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