I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
