Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
