she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you win again, gameday.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
