i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
