Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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