Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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