Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
