i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
