My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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