I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
