I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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