You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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