Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
