I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
