the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
