obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
