I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
