They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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