I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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