Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
