You just made me feel so damn special
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
