We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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