So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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