It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's never too late to be topless.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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