I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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