AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
